Banks agree a global package of services for those hit by coronavirus

I don’t usually share press releases, but this one is too important to hold back.

PRESS RELEASE

THIS RELEASE IS UNDER EMBARGO UNTIL 23:59 MARCH 31, 2020

[BASEL, SWITZERLAND, MARCH 31 2020]

Banking system works out how to respond to coronavirus crisis in massive, global, co-ordinated agreement

The Bank for International Settling (BIS) has quietly been co-ordinating a banking agreement since the coronavirus COVID-19 crisis broke out in scale in March. In a global agreement, all traditional banks have determined the following until the crisis is over:

• Cross-border fees will increase by 100 percent
• Cross-border remittance fees will increase 200 percent
• Overdraft charges will stay at 39 percent, except for those on incomes of less than $100,000 or those in self-employment
• Overdraft charges will increase to 139 percent for those on incomes of less than $100,000 or those in self-employment
• Credit card rates will remain unchanged at 19.9 percent per annum, except if you have a revolving credit balance on the card in which case this will be increase to 199.9 percent per annum
• Personal loan rates are available for up to $250,000 if secured by your life and assets at an attractive rate of just 3.9 percent per month; or $25,000 if unsecured for a mere 5.9 percent per month
• Mortgage rates will only increase for those who took out a mortgage before March 31 2020, and will increase at a level of 100 basis points above the central bank rates charged in the country concerned
• Repossessions will be postponed unless the client is in arrears by more than thirty days
• Business loans are provided for up to $5 million if you guarantee the loan with all of the business’s tangible assets, promise to repay by December 2020, pay a paltry 3.9 percent per month interest rate
• Business loans are available for up to $500,000 if you lay off all staff, sell all assets, promise to repay by December 2021 and pay a minimal 5.9 percent per month

The list goes on, and shows the compassion and support of the financial community during this period of crisis. The full press release from BIS is available here.

Speaking about this globally brokered agreement John Williams, President of the BIS (who also happens to compose music in his spare time), commented:

“We are delighted to be able to show our support of governments and the economy at this terrible time. We have even decided to waive loan repayments and charges of any person who happened to die during this crisis. These charges will only be applied retrospectively on the estate of such persons in perpetuity. We think that’s definitely doing our bit for the community in these desperate moments.”

Any enquiries related to this announcement will be answered by emailing: rapan.pillage@banking.con.

 

Oh, and I know what day we are on, so you probably think this is an April Fool. Maybe you're wrong.

 

But no, it is an APRIL FOOL which some have seen as being in bad taste, but they obviously didn't click on the embedded links as there's a grain of truth in all humour. So, for the record, these are the key embedded links:

• Coronavirus: Banks increase loan costs as debt threatens millions, The Times, March 24 2020
• Banks under fire for coronavirus tactics, BBC, March 30 2020
• Banks charged dead people fees for a decade, The Finanser, April 30 2018