Harry Potter and the Prince of Darkness

As most of you know, J.K. Rowling is a British institution and so I sent her this idea for her next book:

Harry Potter and his best mates Ron Weasley and Hermoine Granger had managed to live amongst the muggles for many moons without detection. They now realised they had to come out of hiding and fight the evil of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in public.

You see, they had already seen the wizards of evil destroy the heritage of Hogwarts School by using the Derivatives of Doom. These Derivatives were an off-shoot of Dementors, except that these black wraithlike creatures sucked the life out of Gringotts Bank’s Goblins and allowed all of the valuable items in their safes to be looted and lost.

The Derivatives of Doom had been created by just a few of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s followers, but most of these now lay slain, including the powerful wizards: Goodwin and Fuld.

These wizards fought a major battle to protect their kingdoms, but the combined efforts of Hogwart’s –as led by their Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore - meant that they had now been beaten.

But, whilst the School was running around in an archetypal battle with the Derivatives of Doom and Wizards Fuld and Goodwin, Dumbledore discovered that the School’s teachers and governing council, led by Professor Snape, had been filching the school’s library of all of its treasures too.

Professor Snape explained that this had been down to the fact that the School’s rules allowed the teachers to elect which home they held their library borrowings within.

Dumbledore felt really badly as he realised what a mistake it was to do this.  However, it was only in hindsight that this was obvious.

The error was that, although it was allowed by the rules to place library borrowings in a second home, it was not in the spirit of the rules to leave borrowings there.

Now he knew the error of his ways as Professor Snape and some of the teachers had elected to not only place their borrowed library treasures in their second homes, but now those homes had all suddenly disappeared and he couldn't find them.

Dumbledore was furious and asked Harry to meet him in his private quarters.

“Harry”, said the great Wizard “we need to target He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named directly, and have a battle such as the world has never seen”.

“Why”, asked Harry in polite ignorance.

“Because He allowed Gringotts Bank to be raided by the Derivatives of Doom and encouraged our teachers to bend rules that has resulted in all of our library treasures to become lost”, the Professor stated gravely.

“You mean we are worthless?” squeaked Harry in shock.

“Yes”, Dumbledore responded. “All of our earthly goods, muggles monies and pensions pots have been lost, looted and are gone.”

“I don’t believe it”, squealed Harry in sheer dumbfounded terror. “You mean Gordon, sorry He who must never be named, allowed all of this?”

“Yes”, said Dumbledore. “But I have a solution.”

“Please sir, Professor Dumbledore”, Harry begged, “what is the solution?”

Dumbledore looked at Harry sagely, and then said the words Harry never thought he would hear:
“Peter Mandleson.”

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who were listening by the door, were shocked to hear Harry wail: “Oh no ... not the Prince of Darkness”.

And so, our story begins.

Obviously, it is purely fictitious.